10/06/26- Well it was about time I got working on this thing, this is the first entry ever and you know, I'm kinda proud of it, I'm finally doing something with my life hahaha. God I'm such a fucking loser. Entry closed
10/06/26 8:13 pm- God I AM really a loser, I barely have friends, the girl I spoke to for a few months just straight up shat on me, and there is the possibilty I'm changing schools, I don't know how I ended up like this, this fucking piece of shit who is scared of everyone and everything, they say god's strongest soldiers get to experience the harshest battles, but is it? Maybe I am a jester for my own amusement and I enjoy seeing me suffer, I don't know, I'm so alone dude, I have to chat to random people on discord and get high with cheap marijuana edibles to not feel so bad about myself. I'm god's loneliest man , and the worst part is that I did all of this to myself. Entry closed
12/06/26 10:06 pm- Today it was pretty chill! Like I said before I tend to consume edbiles to relax and turn off the noise in my head for a couple of hours, altough I try to spread when I eat them, so I don't run out of them too early, or have a pretty bad high, keep in mind though I have only done this two times, and they were vastly different, because my dumbass ate 100mg of cannabiods the first time, and the second time (today) I had 12.5mg, the difference is pretty notorious, with 100mg I felt as if I wasn't myself, like I think I had what they call "Ego Death"?, it was pretty awesome, I felt my body as numb as it could possibly be, I saw stuff sort of like delayed, as if I was playing a videogame, and had to think every action and input before doing them, I liked it, altough the downside is that it left me with pretty bad tinnitus for a couple of days, I almost don't feel it now tho!
With the 12.5mg... I almost didn't feel anything other than some normal muscle spams and a mildly relaxed feeling, I think I went overboard with my first time LMAO, I shouldn't have said "oh this edibles aint shi----" hahaha. I will post here a little image of the edibles I normally consume laterEntry closed
14/06/26 8:13pm Damn, today I woke up with a mild hangover, I upped the amount of weed I took yesterday, I think it was 30.5mg? Nevertheless, it felt nice, not as good as the first time but I definetely felt the effects of that shit, it lasted the whole day so I just so I chilled again playing some vidya and watching midnight gospel, one significant thing that I noticed is that I don't really seem to get red eyes thingy with these edibles, it's quite strange I don't know why. Also I have to get working on this shit again. Entry closed
15/06/26 8:56pm Today it was pretty chill too! Some extended family came over to my home so it was nice, I always like to have people at the house, especially strangers or friends, it makes me feel not so alone... anywhooooo I installed a bunch of games on steam which I will be reviewing and writing about them as I learn more of this html and css stuff, I think I'm getting the hang of this! Even if this doesn't look like a lot of the cool sites on this hosting platform (╥﹏╥), onto another topic, I have to vent this shit I have been holding for some time now, you see I met this guy in my school when I spoke to him about one of my other favourite games (Rain World) and I think we got along pretty well right? After some days of talking, he just said out of the blue that he had a Discord server where a lot of people like him resided in, so I said "oh that's awesome!" and then he said "Wanna join?", so I obviously said yes bc I'm not going to let go the opportunity of connecting with likeminded people (which is rare because I have pretty niches interests and fixations), so anyways some time passed, vacations started and I got an invite to his "server", he just said "present yourself dude, they don't care if you're weird or some bullshit like that", so I did that right? Everything went well that day and I rested well, but then the next day I fucking don't know why I had the idea of "OH I'M GOING TO EXERCISE IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE TO IMPRESS THEM OR SOME BULLSHIT" especially because a girl, or man? Or fucking something Idk I liked was there right?, and I did just exactly that while they were doing their silly shenanigans (which were very fucking stupid I might say), we talked some more and then called it a day. But then when I wake up I receive a text saying along the lines of "Oh ermmm you bad because you made us uncomfortable so we are going to kick you out" REALLY? FUCKING REALLY? Listen I know I was kind of a douchebag but IF YOU GUYS JUST FUCKING TOLD ME SOMETHING TO MY FACE I WOULD HAVE CHANGED!!!! TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT SOMETHING OR SOMEONE ISN'T A FUCKING TITANICAL TASK YK? AT LEAST HAVE THE FUCKING BALLS TO DO IT. (Holy shit I'm a hypocrite). Ooof I got a bit carried there haha, regardless, that happened, I felt like shit for a couple of days and I thought: mmmmmmh hey maybe I can convince them to let me join again? So I did that, I messaged the people I knew from there in hopes of returning, I MADE AN INSANE AMOUNT OF EFFORT DOING THAT SHIT WHEN I SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BOTHERED, BECAUSE OH YEAH I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY, AND I SEE THAT YOU'RE FUCKING DESPERATE TO JOIN AND HAVE HUMAN CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE BECAUSE YOURE A PIECE OF SHIT WHO DOESN'T AMOUNT SHIT TO ANYTHING OR ANYONE, AND HAVE TO ALWAYS BE AND FEEL ALONE ALL THE TIME, MMMMH LET ME SEE, NAH I'M JUST GOING TO FUCKING TELL THE GUY THAT IS THE ONLY PERSON FROM OUR GROUP YOU KNOW IRL TO FUCK OFF BECAUSE "You make us uncomfortable!" BULLSHIT AT LEAST HAVE THE FUCKING BALLS TO TELL ME TO FUCK OFF YOURSELF AND NOT SOME OTHER GUY YOU KNOW, FUCKING CUCK BEHAVIOUR MAN! YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE WORST PART? I COULD MAKE ALL OF THEM EAT THEIR FUCKING OWN SHIT! But I can't bring myself to do that, because I'm not a bad person, I'M NOT A BAD FUCKING PERSON!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA,SHISHISSHTITHISTHISTTHSITHSTIHSITHTIHTSIHSTIHTSIHIHTSHITISTISTIISTIHSHIHIHIITHISHITHISIHHTIHISTHIHISIITISHTISTISTHITIHTIISTHIHIIHISTTSSTISTHSITHISTSIHHI FUCKING HATE MYSELF I HATE MY BODY I HATE HOW I LOOK I HATE MY FACE I HATE MY STUPID PENIS I HATE FUCKING EVERYTHING ABOUT ME I HATE BEING SO FUCKING ALONE!!!!!
Man I'm going fucking CRAZY hahaha, Damn I'm really salty about this, but it felt good to vent all this bitterness and anger I have been holding hahahaha, I'm tired, I'm going to sleep now. Entry closed
16/06/26 4:10pm I miss you mom, I just cried my heart out for half an hour, I just want to be loved, comforted, and told everything is going to be okay, that I'm a great person, that I'm not weird and I am someone interesting, that I am someone who is capable, that everything I have done up until this point is okay, that I don't need to be ashamed of myself or my mistakes, I want to be cared for and told that I'm enough, that I have to take off this mask and armor I'm coated in and to just relax, I can't do it, I can't fucking do it anymore, I have nothing, NO ONE I can trust, fuck me, fuck my life, fuck everything Entry closed
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